Section 8 Clan Forums

Three old timers at the retirement home were complaining about growing old. The first one says, "I wake up at 7:00 AM and try for a half hour to take a poop." The second one says, "Oh yeah? I spend an hour trying to pee." The third one says, "I take a nice poop at 7:00 AM and about 7:30 AM take a nice pee." The other two guys look at him and ask, "What are you complaining about?" The third man explains, "I don't wake up till 8:30 AM."

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Perfection is unattainable, but if we strive for it we may catch excellence - Unknown
Remember winning isn't everything, but wanting to win is! - Lombardi

I met a one-legged woman outside of a club the other day. She was a bouncer.

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Perfection is unattainable, but if we strive for it we may catch excellence - Unknown
Remember winning isn't everything, but wanting to win is! - Lombardi

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Perfection is unattainable, but if we strive for it we may catch excellence - Unknown
Remember winning isn't everything, but wanting to win is! - Lombardi

This ones for RAT!

Student- I don’t think I deserved zero on this test!

Teacher-I agree, but that’s the lowest mark I could give you!

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Perfection is unattainable, but if we strive for it we may catch excellence - Unknown
Remember winning isn't everything, but wanting to win is! - Lombardi

Um, yeah, others can join in watcha got???

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Perfection is unattainable, but if we strive for it we may catch excellence - Unknown
Remember winning isn't everything, but wanting to win is! - Lombardi

Trying to be healthy, every morning I jog around the block at least 10 times.

Then I pick the block up and put it back in my kids toy chest!!!

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Perfection is unattainable, but if we strive for it we may catch excellence - Unknown
Remember winning isn't everything, but wanting to win is! - Lombardi

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

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Perfection is unattainable, but if we strive for it we may catch excellence - Unknown
Remember winning isn't everything, but wanting to win is! - Lombardi

An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby.
The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.
"Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!!"

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Perfection is unattainable, but if we strive for it we may catch excellence - Unknown
Remember winning isn't everything, but wanting to win is! - Lombardi

From Mr3 and myself.

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!"

"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said.
"The sharks got 'em."

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Perfection is unattainable, but if we strive for it we may catch excellence - Unknown
Remember winning isn't everything, but wanting to win is! - Lombardi

For Jenn and Miss M

A woman went to police station to file a report for her missing husband:

Woman: I lost my husband
Inspector: What is his height
Woman: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Woman Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Color of eyes
Woman: Never noticed
Inspector: Color of hair
Woman: Should be black
Inspector: What was he wearing
Woman: I don’t remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him ?????????

Woman: Yes my Labrador dog (Romeo), tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together.
The woman started crying

Inspector: Let’s search for the dog first!

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Perfection is unattainable, but if we strive for it we may catch excellence - Unknown
Remember winning isn't everything, but wanting to win is! - Lombardi